Top Merch in ‘Merica 2025
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, gather round your screens – because we’ve got the hottest deals in town.
Forget AirPods, forget Ninja blenders, forget the Stanley Cup craze. Across the USA, from Belfast, Maine to Malibu, the number-one thing flying off the shelves isn’t kitchenware or gadgets.
It’s da bombs, baby.
Yes, that’s right – your friends and neighbours – and your good self! – are flat out buying the freshest inventory straight from the Pentagon.
Next-day delivery to Tel Aviv. Five stars for fast shipping.
Easy monthly payments… every taxpayer qualifies!
And don’t touch that dial, because tonight’s catalogue brings bunker busters bundled with bulldozers, Hellfire missiles on two-for-one, and a “Subscribe & Save” plan for artillery shells that keeps the carnage coming all year long.
Order now and you’ll unlock our exclusive Jet Fuel Mega Pack – guaranteed to keep those F-15s flying high while your democracy crashes. Low.
A wee reality check before the punchline
The military-industrial complex is the biggest industry you never hear about at dinner. You think Big Tech is massive? Or that Big Pharma rules the roost? Defence dwarfs them both. Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, Boeing and friends sit on contracts worth hundreds of billions every year.
In 2023 alone, US defence spending hit $886 billion – more than the GDP of Switzerland, and more than the next ten countries combined. For scale: that’s bigger than Apple’s yearly net income, bigger than the combined revenue of McDonald’s, Netflix and Starbucks, and bigger than the entire global fashion industry.
This isn’t just another market. It’s the market. It doesn’t sell clothes or cars — it sells destruction. And every sale leaves rubble behind.
Don’t be fooled by the noise
Of course, while this catalogue is filling up, the headlines keep filling with sideshows. Trump, for instance, swore that America was spending “$50 million on condoms for Hamas” and making “mice transgender.” Neither claim has stood up to fact-checking — they were political theatre, a magician’s misdirection. Never listen to him: he’s only trying to hide the good stuff. The incredible, well-documented, taxpayer-funded gear the US really is buying — and tonnes of it.
Customers Also Bought: Top 10 Hot Products
Sponsored Product
MK-84 2,000lb General Purpose Bmb
💣💣💣💣💣 4,983 reviews
Price: Paid by taxpayers
Ships from: Pentagon
- Turns apartment blocks into dust.
- Classic, big, blunt, brutal.
- Sold in pallets of 500.
Frequently bought with: JDAM Kits.
Bestseller
BLU-109 Bunker Buster
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆ 3,712 reviews
- Punches through concrete shelters.
- Urban-tested, Geneva-questionable.
- Customers also bought: Jet Fuel + Bulldozers.
Limited Edition
JDAM Guidance Kit
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 6,401 reviews
- Retrofits dumb bombs into “smart” ones.
- Saves face at press conferences.
Bundle: Add BLU-117 for best effect.
Hot Right Now
155mm Artillery Shells
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5,233 reviews
- Workhorse of ground campaigns.
- 10,000 shipped weekly.
Subscribe & Save: every fiscal quarter.
Premium Pick
F-15 Fighter Jet
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆ 1,204 reviews
- Ferrari of the skies.
- Deliveries due 2026-2029.
Customer review: “Worth every billion.”
Trending
AIM-120 AMRAAM Missile
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 2,807 reviews
- Air-to-air dominance.
- Sleek design, instant regret.
People also bought: Hellfires.
Staff Pick
AGM-114 Hellfire Missile
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆ 1,998 reviews
- Compact, versatile, horrifying.
- Works with drones & helicopters.
Bundle: Drone subscriptions.
Customer Favourite
Iron Dome Re-Stock Pack
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 3,115 reviews
- Defends your skies while you flatten theirs.
- 100% subsidised by Uncle Sam.
Frequently bought with: Humanitarian crises.
Featured Item
Caterpillar Armoured Bulldozer
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆ 864 reviews
- Flattens orchards, houses, protests.
- Diesel sold separately.
You may also like: “Democracy™ in a Box.”
Last but not least
JP-8 Jet Fuel (500,000 gallon drums)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 7,432 reviews
- Nothing runs without juice.
- Ships free from US stockpiles.
Subscribe & Save: quarterly, forever.
Today’s Deals
- Buy 10,000 shells, get one Hellfire free.
- $2 billion “emergency” package — no oversight required.
- Prime Day every day, when the customer is Israel.
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